Search

REACTIVITY IS NOT A TABOO IN AWAKENING PROCESS. IT’S A GIFT

Updated: Jan 26, 2020

As I kept on meditating on this topic of chronic victimhood

these past weeks, I started to notice how OFTEN I actually have moments that I feel like a victim.


"Can you see why it’s so profound? Or do you think it’s so simple that you don’t know why someone even bothers to make a video about it? The universe communicates with us in everyday language. As Caroline Myss says “God doesn’t show off.” I know that my level of consciousness is climbing up when I take the biggest message in a moment like this one."


As I kept on meditating on this topic of chronic victimhood

these past weeks, I started to notice how OFTEN I actually have moments that I feel

"sorry" for myself, like a victim.

Actually it wasn’t even a “feeling” sorry or the familiar inner voice

It was literally like a tick. Like a nano-second buzz in super speed electricity.

And I realized that I was experiencing it much much more often than I had previously realized.


One day, I caught myself that I was unable to be GENEROUS enough for others BECAUSE I felt the tick. And he more I started to pay attention, the more I was truly shocked by the frequency of those victim TICKS


For instance the other day, my husband, he is a surfer,

he said

"I’m planning a weekend trip to this surf film event and said “i’m craving some surf culture”


My immediate response was,

wait, right

I DID NOT RESPOND.

I REACTED. Because it was the same TICK again, the victim tick.

And so instead of genuinely feeling excited for him and wondering what a great time he would have,

my REACTION was

“Oh yah? I know how that feels. because I’ve been craving ART culture myself for a decade.”


REALLY?


I thought I was above this, guys. I thought those days were OVER.

Yah… yes yes I did.

I mean, I worked on this stuff, right?

I even made a video about "time traveling" to work on my own “traumatic experiences of victimhood”, and getting rid of my chronic pains associated with them.


But interestingly, as I focused on this topic of victimhood for a YouTube video I was making, It was as if everything suddenly came back.


I kept catching myself with those ticks. I heard the “poor ME” voice over occasionally accompanied by contracting and shrinking uncomfortable tightness in jaws and slight pressure and tingling like sensations all over my body.