REACTIVITY IS NOT A TABOO IN AWAKENING PROCESS. IT’S A GIFT

JUNE-I B
Jan 22, 2020
5 min read

Updated: Jun 28

As I kept on meditating on this topic of chronic victimhood

these past weeks, I started to notice how OFTEN I actually have moments that I feel like a victim.

"Can you see why it’s so profound? Or do you think it’s so simple that you don’t know why someone even bothers to make a video about it? The universe communicates with us in everyday language. As Caroline Myss says “God doesn’t show off.” I know that my level of consciousness is climbing up when I take the biggest message in a moment like this one."

The Victim Tick: Why Reacting Might Just Be Your Greatest Spiritual Tool

Lately, I’ve been meditating a lot on this concept of chronic victimhood.

At first, it was a quiet contemplation. But as the days went on, something strange started happening—I began noticing just how often I actually feel “sorry” for myself. Not in a dramatic, self-pitying way. Not even with an inner monologue. No.

It was more like… a tick.

A split-second jolt. A nano-buzz in my nervous system. Fast, sneaky, almost electrical.

And the more I tuned in, the more I realized: this little victim tick was happening all the time.

One day, it hit me—I couldn’t even be generous toward someone else because I felt the tick. And the more I paid attention, the more shocked I became by how frequently I was experiencing it.

Case in point:

The other day, my husband—who is a surfer—told me he was planning a weekend trip to a surf film event. “I’m craving some surf culture,” he said.

My reaction? Not a heartfelt “that sounds amazing.” Not even a smile.

Nope. I didn’t respond. I reacted. That tick hit again.

What I said was:

“Oh yeah? I know how that feels… I’ve been craving art culture for a decade.”

Seriously?

I thought I was over this. I mean, I’ve done the inner work. I’ve made videos on time-traveling to heal past wounds, released chronic pain from past trauma… I should be past this, right?

But no. As I sat with this topic for a YouTube video I was making, it was like all of it resurfaced.

That “poor me” voice.

That tightening in my jaw.

That slight body-wide contraction.

The sensation that something in me was shrinking.

And then came the big realization:

We’re told that when you’re awake, you’ve transcended all this. That once you’ve done the “work,” these emotions should never come back. That “enlightenment” means you no longer get triggered.

But that’s not true.

These feelings don’t disappear. They don’t vanish because you’ve read Eckhart Tolle or gone to enough retreats. Even those who say “My life has never been the same” after awakening… they still face life. Because life still happens. Triggers still happen. People still say things that poke at our edges.

The difference?

You see it differently. You deal with it differently. Through perspective. (Yes, I’ve made a video on that too—“Change your Perspective, Change Your Life.”)

But I was still puzzled…

Why was I still reacting with that same victim tick?

And then—it dawned on me:

Victimhood is in the field of consciousness. It’s part of being human.

We are wired to feel. Without emotion, there’s no reason to be here. Emotions are electromagnetic signals that bind us. Like DNA. We are literally made of it. And “the victim” archetype? It’s in all of us. (Caroline Myss talks about this—The Child, Victim, Prostitute, and Saboteur. Survival archetypes. Basic. Universal.)

So… does that mean we’re off the hook? Should we throw a blaming party?

Nope.

But here’s the key insight:

This time, when I reacted…

I also knew.

I caught myself in the act. I could feel that I was choosing it. I was choosing to stay in that feeling of lack. I could have sought out the art culture I was craving. But I didn’t. Because I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I chose that—for a moment.

Here’s the most important part:

The reaction itself activated the knowing.

Read that again.

It wasn’t in avoiding the reaction. It wasn’t in being “better than that.”

It was through reacting that I caught the truth.

I always thought “stop reacting, start responding” was the golden rule. The enlightened path. The spiritual anthem.

But now? I’m not so sure.

I can clearly see that reacting can be a gift—a spiritual gateway, even.

It’s like energy. When it moves, it reveals. It shakes loose what’s been buried. And if you’re paying attention, that jolt—the tick—can show you the exact thing you’re ready to heal.

So yeah… reacting? It’s not the enemy.

It’s the activation of self-awareness.

Which leads me to this newfound freedom:

I don’t have to be afraid of reacting anymore.

(Though—apologies in advance to the people who get caught in the crossfire. But hey, it’s for a higher purpose! LOL.)

And the timing of this whole revelation? Perfect.

If I had rushed to make the YouTube video just to “hit a deadline” I had set for myself, driven by all the “how to be a successful YouTuber” advice out there, I would have missed this entire discovery.

Instead, I waited. I gave it space. And this clarity arrived.

That’s synchronicity.

And I feel ecstatic. Because this lesson? It’s huge.

You don’t have to fear your reactions. You don’t have to repress them to be “spiritual.”

Instead, let them teach you. Let them be your cue. Let them open the door.

So here’s the takeaway:

React? Great.

Respond? Great.

Just be aware. That’s the only thing that matters.

And yes, I know. You’re probably thinking:

“It’s easier said than done. How do I stay aware in the middle of a reaction?”

Good question.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Relax your attitude about reacting.
If you don’t shame yourself for it, you’ll start noticing it as it happens.
Surrender to it without resistance.
Let the emotion move through your body. Acknowledge the physical sensations. Emotions are physical. Let them have their space.
Let intuition take over.
When you surrender, your inner knowing—your buddy—comes online. And even if you don’t understand what’s happening in the moment, it will make sense later.
No need to analyze or label.
If it feels appropriate, you can apologize. You can revisit it later. Ask it what it came to teach you. If you hear an answer—thank it. If you don’t—thank it anyway.